Zebra Stripes

Who knew girls could be so emotional. I sometimes can't understand it. But at the same time I need to realize it's not a big deal. I love her, a lot (I honestly do) and so I'll forgive and forget because the first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest. And let's be honest, we all have those crazy emotional moments, and my week seemed to be filled with them. Do you want to hear about them? Well, if you do, here ya go:
Sometimes I feel bad for Monday, everyone seems to hate her so, but sometimes it really sucks to have to go back to reality and realize you must make it through the whole week, so I don't blame anyone for hating Monday, cause I do to. And well, let's just say that by the end of 4th period that day I was ready to burst into tears. But he noticed, and he told me that all will be well. He reminded me of the good things in life. And when I finally sat down in my car, ready to go home after a long day, I just took a deep breath, I let out a long sigh and then I looked right in front of me, where stuck on my windshield was a kind note. Filled with love and optimism, this note let me know that someone cared for me, that they cared about me, and it made me so happy that for the rest of the day my face hurt from smiling so much.
Tuesday felt like it should've been a Thursday. I went through the motions and survived another day in the dreaded place most people call school. Later that day I had the opportunity of acting like a 5 year old for a number of hours as I babysat. I was reminded of the simplicity and the true joys in life, I was reminded of what really matters.
I'm pretty sure I slept through most of Wednesday, classes and all. But I also went to a lovely choir concert. And afterwards we went to see our friend open his mission call. What an experience it is to see your good friend open his mission call, to realize he will be in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma for two whole years.
Thursday, oh Thursday.  I decided to be spontaneous, and I just showed up at a soccer game. Probably the best spontaneous thing I have ever done. I really had no idea he had a game. I just saw his car and realized that, being a Thursday, he might have a game. So I walked over there and watched. Afterwards we talked... And sometimes just talking to someone can turn your day upside down and make it one of the best days ever. 
And that brings us all the way to today, Friday! I'll be incredibly impressed if you actually read all of this....
So, moral of the story is; life is filled with good and bad, highs and lows, happy and sad. It all just depends on how you decide to look at it. I appreciate genuine people; the kind of people who look you in the eye when they say they care about you, and then give you the warmest hug you ever did have. I appreciate happy people; the people who smile in the face of adversity and look at hard circumstances as an opportunity to grow. I appreciate people who appreciate life; the kind of people who live each day as if it is some grand adventure. I appreciate you.

Twitterpated

To him it was probably nothing,
but to me, talking to him on the phone way too late at night was the highlight of my whole day.
So much so that when I woke up, for a split second, I thought it had been a dream. 
As he sat there playing his guitar to me I couldn't help but wish I could stay there forever. I couldn't help but get those butterflies in my stomach as I looked up into his eyes, and that feeling has yet to cease.
As his fingers gently glided across that guitar it seemed as if he was strumming at the strings of my heart.
Call me a hopeless romantic, cause that's exactly what I am, but seriously, I just wanted to make time stand still and live in that moment forever. I'm not sure what it is about him, and I'm sure one day I'll look back on this and think of how absolutely silly I am, but for the time being, I am totally and completely infatuated with him.... I am totally and completely infatuated with him, and I don't really understand why.

"And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you"

-that song became one-hundred-million times cuter the moment he sang it to me :)

The photos I promised

Homecoming 2012
Junior Year

 Yeah...he proposed to me ;)

As I said before, homecoming was magical. Obviously Ben is a stud and I had the BEST group anyone could ask for. The whole day was just amazing. And the dance? A grand staircase entrance, illuminated by the stars, and the moon, and thousands of Christmas lights that were wrapped around trees. Literally, it felt as if we had walked into a movie. So yeah, it was great, a night I always hope to remember. And now, I get to look forward to all the other great things that happen in high school, and life, and I'm excited.

Dancing in the moonlight

Adventures are good, sometimes the best adventures occur when you become lost.
When some people get lost they suddenly become filled with anxiety, don't know what to do, and panic...which I do that too, to some extent, but I also become so excited, wondering where this unknown path will take us. Sometimes, when you're lucky, this path simply leads you into a meadow, hidden in the trees, with the sunlight filtering through the multicolored fall leaf canopy, and sometimes that little safe haven is better than any place you had originally planned.

 try clicking on this photo ^


 Later that day...

I felt like a princess. It took a solid two hours, but thanks to my incredible mother, I was able to look in the mirror and think to myself, "I am beautiful", which is a thought that rarely passes through my head.
It was a blast. I was with some of the best people in the world, and I wouldn't have changed anything about this last night. Everything was PERFECT.

just pretend this photo is super great... (even though it's not)

 Love this girl like a sister :)

 Ben and I

*more photos to come*

his little game

As soon as I'm getting over him he tells me how beautiful I am....

yep, that kinda ruined my whole plan, but I've realized something else:

It's like I'm this little game piece, all part of his big game, and unfortunately he's a really good player.
When I'm unimportant and no longer have a use, he tosses me aside.
And suddenly when a situation comes up, when he needs another piece, he takes the time to find me, and for some reason I'm so grateful for his attention that I don't even realize he's playing me, that he's using me... using me in a way that in the end is all for his benefit.

But now I see it. I can see that he really doesn't care about me, he cares about the end prize, he want's to be the winner, whatever that entails. 

So I'm done, I'm done playing this silly little game and I'm finally taking control of my own life.

Game Over

...but I wish he'd prove me wrong...

Those songs that perfectly describe your life. :)

one of the hardest things in life is knowing which bridge to build,

and which to burn...

Hey, I'm back...

I'm not quite sure why I'm trying this whole blogging thing again...

maybe it's because I'm utterly bored, or because I actually talked to the girl whose blog I'm secretly infatuated with, or maybe because life suddenly became so complicated that I'm hoping that by writing it all out somehow it will make more sense.
Well, I haven't written for a while. (obviously.) In fact, I wasn't even 16 when I posted that last post.
A lot has changed since then.
I've gone on my first dates, driven my own car, met new people, had new adventures, and now I'm a junior in high school.
Summer was incredible and I'm sad to see it go. I enjoyed those late nights, in the warm summer air, looking at the stars and talking to each other, feeling like we were the only ones in the whole wide world. I'll miss the bucket list adventures and the crazy expeditions the we went on as the best friends that we were. I'm going to have to get used to not knowing what he's doing every second of the day, because just in the first week of school a whole lot has changed.
Walking down the hall I see him with her every where I go. I sit next to them at lunch but it's like I'm not even there. It's like I don't exist during those school hours, but as soon as that last bell rings, I hear my phone buzz and there's his little apology message...but then nothing changes the next day.
But it's okay! This ^ whatever-you-want-to-call-it mess has maybe given me a new best friend, a boy that the second I met him I felt like I'd known him for all of my existence. It was at the football game, standing in line for drinks, and from that moment on we never stopped talking to each other. Within the first 4 hours of knowing one other, we knew the others whole life story. I'm not sure what will come of this instant friendship process that we experienced...I have no clue if he'll even recognize me on Monday, but at the moment I'm willing to risk it because I'm not sure who else I can even rely on. I just have to tell myself that in the end everything will work out.  

A little White Chocolate Hot Cocoa :)

Sometimes it the little things that get you through the day...
or else I might just have not made it through today.

• Like being able to wear old grandma christmas sweaters, and recieving more compliments then any other time
• having friends snitch food from their own class parties to share with me
• watching Carson Thompson light a match on his pants zipper in order to light candles on a cake,and then quickly blowing them out realizing potential suspension :P
• eating so much junk food it's kinda insane.... doughnuts, soda, cake, cookies, random chips and salsa [yep that was my lunch]
• White Chocolate Hot Cocoa after school= happy Kirsten :)

anyways this shall be short because I must go, but I did in fact make it through school today and surprisingly quite enjoyably. only one more day to go!

Done...

"I've fallen like a fool for you...
..I tell myself I'm in too deep 
Then I fall a little farther 
Everytime you look at me"

Done...
    Everything,
             I'm
                Done

School is the last thing I want to do

I'm so mentally ready for a break

A break from everything

But deep down inside I don't want to be done with him,

I don't want everything we had to just vanish,

yet I can't handle it anymore.

'Tis time for Christmas Break

People

People... it's a strange word to descibe us all,

we are all so different in so many ways,

some people compliment me way too much,

others like to try and tear me down,

some people will make my day,

others won't even give me the time of day,

some people help me,

while others hurt me,

some people call me their friends,

when others say I'm anything but a friend...

(yes, i do realize that all that ^ was about me...but that's what a blog is for)

why people say what they do I will never know, 

what we all think is known to each individual alone,

but while we can look at our differences through,

 we are all still alike, for we are God's children it's true.

 

La La Land

One moment I'm there, then suddenly I'm gone. I'm sure my eyes get this glazed over look as if I'm staring into outerspace.

My mind slowly drifts...the voices around me fade and I'm in my perfect fantasy. Never logical or realistic my mind creates a beautiful image. Whatever it may be. An image of a perfect world, just perfect and carefree. You have all been there at one time...for some more frequently. Like me I was there for most of my day, it's just so calm and comforting. To dream and wish, it's what I love. And then there's reality.

My eyes become focused, my mind becomes clear and once again I'm there. It's like waking up to an annoying alarm clock except the alarm is an annoying voice with no snooze button. It's that wonderful realization that you have no idea what the teacher is talking about and that you just missed the whole class discussion...great. But it's totally worth it. :)     

Count Your *bLeSsInGs*

I realize I complain a lot

that sometimes I'm negative

that you all have to listen to me whine

but I also realize that we live life once

that being positive makes life better

and that I have a lot of blessings.

Some look at the glass half empty, others half full...and then there's the ones who are just grateful for the glass :)

• my family
• the gospel
• my house
• my clothes
• my friends
• school
• my shoes
• a car
• dance
• the sun
• beautiful sunsets
• gorgeous sunrises
• daylight savings
• seminary
• the scriptures
• prayer
• church
• people at church
• this computer
• the internet
• paper
• homework (believe it or not)
• food
• people who smile in the halls
• friends who give me hugs
• a very special friend who brings me hot chocolate :)
• the sound crunching leaves make
• people who give compliments
• my mom and dad encouraging me to get good grades
• my little brother who makes me laugh
• inspirational quotes
• music
• the temple
• cell phones
• holidays to look forward to
• a warm house
• the piano
• hymns
• post-it notes (they help me more than you could imagine)
• sleep
• I'm grateful for you... no matter who you are I know you have impacted my life, whether big or small, and I appreciate that. 
• and I'm sure I could continue this list...but for times sake I won't :) 

Lost for Words

I have no idea what I'm posting about or why I'm even attempting

to create a legitimate post...but any who here's some random thoughts of mine.



I want to be in Hawaii

on a beach...yeah that'd

be nice

I love fall, mostly the leaves

I really want to make a huge

pile and jump in it.

Maybe my bestie will decide

to play with me and we shall

do this.

He's amazing...yes him.

I'm obsessed. But if he

would just stop being so

nice, and smart, and funny,

and cute, and talk able, and

incredible then maybe I'd be

able to get over him.

I love my crazy family.

Eating Ice cream and going

crazy in a car with them is

most enjoyable. They make

me giggle.

I'm so sore from dance...

but I love it.

I LOVE IT!!

I should probably be doing

this silly little thing called

homework right now.

I think I'll go make cupcakes

for my friends little sister...

Life is good. Be Happy.

Enjoy life. You only get to live

today once.

Let's Be Friends

Sometimes you meet extraordinary people amongst the bustle of every-day life, 
and it feels like you've been friends
for years, and years, and years.
 It doesn't feel like you're welcoming the new face into the collection of familiars,
rather, you're refreshing an old memory of an old face you never get to see. 
You skip the introductions, the stupid remarks, and the small talk.
You skip all the usual occurrences that normal people undergoing introductions endure, 
for you see, this introduction in particular doesn't feel like much of an introduction at all.
 Deep down, despite the lacking memories and the empty safe that's supposed to be filled with long-hushed secrets,
your meeting feels like more of a reuinion.

And just like that,
you find yourselves hidden within a safe place,
tucked away from the chaotic world, 
as every secret that has been locked within your heart for so many years manages to slither out of your lips.
 Somehow, this new-found friend held the key that unlocked all your secrets.
You soon realize that before you could even stop it from happening,
you'd become genuine friends.

Long Talks and Life

Talks are good. I believe there's a reason certain people are in my life.

 Incredible, spiritual, loving, kind, generous, magnificent people.  

And I'm not sure these people will ever realize the imense impact they have on my life. Like talking to me for hours on end, it's amazing how much better it makes you feel. It helps to just realize that others struggle with the same things you do, we're all going through this life with ups and downs. And sometimes we all just need a hug.

 IlovethosespontaneoushugsfromOthers :)

So yeah... right now my life is excellent. Going to the temple always just brings some extra light into your life, reading scriptures definitely helps your day go more smoothly, praying is the absolute best stress reliever, and life can be a great experience.  But of course there is still those hardships, the gospel just helps me put my problems into perspective.  Friends are such a great blessing, yet they can also become a terrific trial.  Which is just one more reason I so very much appreciate those true friends. So thanks...

10 days...

It has been exactly 10 days since I posted on this blog...but it's seldom looked at anyways, so I'm sure that the only one who missed it was me. But I've learned some things in the past 10 days. Lots of things:

Like some people actually care about me,

that there's always something good in life to look for,

that I may be slightly infatuated with a very kind gentleman,

that everything is about your additude,

that my dad made funny faces in all his pictures from high school,

that life is crazy... but it would be so boring otherwise,

that being spiritual makes life so much easier to handle,

that there's always someone you can help,

that studying for a test is definitely worth it,

and that no matter how much rain there is.... there's always a rainbow at the end.

See I learn something new everyday :)

I have to say this week was one of the busiest of my life! But I passed range, fixed some grades, helped some friends, taught a spiritual lesson, talked to my family, and made life exciting. But there was definitely those moments where I felt like exploding with stress, and then I would break, and life would rain down upon me, and then, you learn to dance in the rain and find the good, to wait out the rain and then...

there's always the rainbow.

More of My Silly Teenage Girl Life :)

Why you might be reading this...I don't know.
The only reason I actually write on this blog is because it's a nice way to examine my life, and it's nice to express all my feelings, and tell it to the world, even if no one is listening. But upon my examination of life I have come to conclude that I am just so wrapped up in my own personal teenage girl life. But really, what teenage girl isn't?

So my thoughts? Upon today I've been pondering about perspective of life...
What if we changed the way we see things?
 What if we "were in someone elses shoes for a day"
 What if we saw things like we were five years old again?
What if we always thought with an eternal perspective?

What if....

and sometimes I think I think too much.

What Life's About...

It's not the being famous,

or becoming a billionaire,

It's not necessarily even about being the smartest person in the world,

or inventing something important,

It doesn't matter whether you're the jock or the nerd of the high school,

So what is important?

And so now I guess I'll tell you what I want my life to be about,

and you never know,

you might even agree...

Have you ever had a bad day and someone said something simple to make life a little better? Have you ever done that for someone else? Well I'll tell you this: An old friend of mine randomly (or inspirationally) came across my thoughts the other day...I simply sent her a little simple text expressing my love for her. Little did I know, it made a huge impact on her and made her day. And guess what, knowing that I made her even the slightest bit happier made my day :) You may never know what impact you can have on others...and I think that a smile to that friendless kid, saying "hi" to that person you may not always get along with, and just caring about another and listening to their story...this can make all the difference. And for me, this is what life is about.  Being the best you and helping God's children make it through. So when you're feeling down find a way to make an other's day and I promise, it will make yours too.



Story Time!

Imagine this:
        You are merrily walking down you're street coming home from the bus stop when suddenly you're friend stops their sentence midway and points towards the direction of another friends home. You all look in that direction to see a strange man beginnning to walk around the home...of course with curiosity you follow.  This creepy looking man continues to peer through windows and look at doors of this home. After making a full inspection of this home the suspicious man gets in his car with another and drives away. Now what to you conclude. Well, if you think like my bunch of besties we all decided that this man was devising a way to break into this household to kidnap all sorts of things....but after some disapponting investigation we discovered this strange creepy suspicious man was only a window washer counting and looking at the windows before he was to begin his job. Yeah...i know, what an anticlimatic story right?

       Well moral of this story: don't judge people

oh and p.s. this is a true story that happened to me approximately 30 minutes ago :)

So... this strange adventure/ experience/ what-ever-you-want-to-call-it

made me start thinking about what people might judge me as. I wonder, as I walk down the hall with no makeup on with not the most beautifully done hair and with probably not the best put together outfit what do people judge me as? Do they think I'm nerdy, cute, weird, scary, crazy, etc.? Do they even notice me? Well I probably will never be able to know exactly what everyone thinks of me, but I do know what I think of everyone else. And what would happen if I stopped judging everyone? What if I thought of every single person as a beautiful unique child of God, would anything change? Well, I think I'll try it. I'm going to try not to judge... and you never know, maybe something exciting will come of it...which is why life is always an adventure, you never know what to expect :) 

Small Joys

A text from "that one"

A hug in the hall

A smile from an old friend

A compliment from an unexpantant personage

A taco tuesday trip

A good score on a test

A walk with the cutest little brother

A positive attitude and

A optimistic outlook on life...

I've come to realize in my past bi-polar days that's it TOTALLY up to yourself to make life worth while It's no one else fault other than your own if you have a bad day. Now I completely undersand there's hard things in life and things that get all of us down, but when you look and recognize the small happy things in life you can't help but light up with joy. I have no real reason to be particualarly happy on this day. I mean I took 3 tests and have a ton of homework with a crazy busy life but I love it 'cause there's all those tiny moments of pure glee that I can hold onto through out my days that fill my soul with happiness.  

I'm wishing

I wish

that school was easy...that I was smart and could get good grades easily

but it doesn't work that way, therefore i am drowning in homework. I feel like everything is falling apart and that it's impossible to get it back together.

Wouldn't it be nice to just be laying on the beach with no worries and stress free? yeah,

I wish.

But no. I'm falling, I'm drowning and I need someone to come save me...


(hugs are always appreciated)