She closes the door behind her, so no one else can hear. The sun pours in through the window as she sits down on that wooden bench. The silence fills the room until one finger gently presses down on that smooth white key.  Her heart and mind slowly unfold as that music pierces the air. A song only played once, and only she's there to hear it. In the empty eggshell-colored room she feels free for the first time that day. Each note takes her to a new place. It is her favorite feeling. She leaves this world for a moment, her mind is cleared and her eyes are opened to a different understanding. As her hands continue to glide up and down the keys, there is no tension to be found. So many emotions now float through the air...if only someone else could escape into this world with her, into her home away from home.

me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my crazy, teenage, irrational emotions; jealous, rude, overly-sensitive, critical, selfish. But that's not really me, I hope.
 *I sincerely apologize to those of you who have ever affiliated with me during my awful outbursts of rage, but everyone has those moments, right?*
But luckily, I have found my outlet, my way to let it go, and it's called dance. 
Now, you must understand that I dance everyday, but there is a large difference between just doing dance movements and dancing with your whole heart and soul. Sometimes it's during these hard days, when my whole world seems to be upside down, that I've learned how to truly dance. There, all by myself, though surrounded by others, I'm able to forget myself and let it go, and at that moment I expose myself to the entire world, my worries disappear and suddenly I'm me.
It's not always about the competitions and judges, or what people say about me when I dance, it's not about the reputation I get as a dancer (especially because at times it's not a very good reputation), but it's about that feeling I have when I dance. That feeling of freedom, of ,complete and utter joy that feeling when you can finally see yourself improve, that moment when your crazy, awful day is suddenly filled with light, that moment when my true self is expressed.
Words can't describe it, but let me try it this way:

Imagine a cardboard box in a dark room,

inside is a light,

but the only way you can ever see that light is if you open the box,

and once the box is opened, that light can reach out and fill the darkness.

the world (and my crazy, teenage, irrational emotions) is the darkness,

I am the box

and dance is that light inside of me,

when I open up, I expose myself to the world,

suddenly that darkness is filled with light

and I am happy...I am me.

if you click on this lovely photo it leads to my photo-blog-project-thing :)

Sometimes.

Sometimes, much too often, I look, I adore and I wish. I wish that I could be that person, I wish that I was perfect. But all too often that definition of perfect becomes askew. Perfect...

The perfect dancer, the best. I wish

To be incredibly in shape, all skinny yet muscular

A perfect pianist,

or the smartest of smart,

the most beautiful one that everyone else would envy,

the best musician

and the nicest person ever.

the most eloquent writer,

to sing the very best

and to have all the talent in the world.

Yet,

I'm an ordinary girl...

and to others I may never be the best,

but I will be the best I can be,

and that is something extraordinary.

 



A little White Chocolate Hot Cocoa :)

Sometimes it the little things that get you through the day...
or else I might just have not made it through today.

• Like being able to wear old grandma christmas sweaters, and recieving more compliments then any other time
• having friends snitch food from their own class parties to share with me
• watching Carson Thompson light a match on his pants zipper in order to light candles on a cake,and then quickly blowing them out realizing potential suspension :P
• eating so much junk food it's kinda insane.... doughnuts, soda, cake, cookies, random chips and salsa [yep that was my lunch]
• White Chocolate Hot Cocoa after school= happy Kirsten :)

anyways this shall be short because I must go, but I did in fact make it through school today and surprisingly quite enjoyably. only one more day to go!

Done...

"I've fallen like a fool for you...
..I tell myself I'm in too deep 
Then I fall a little farther 
Everytime you look at me"

Done...
    Everything,
             I'm
                Done

School is the last thing I want to do

I'm so mentally ready for a break

A break from everything

But deep down inside I don't want to be done with him,

I don't want everything we had to just vanish,

yet I can't handle it anymore.

'Tis time for Christmas Break

Finally.

I don't know why some days seem so much harder than others,

but they are.

I don't know why this week was so very grotesque,

but it was.

Tests,

Headaches,

Concerts,

Homework,

Missing,

No time,

Drama,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Maybe it was just the combination of everything crashing down on me....

but its Friday,

Finally.

But to be positive:

I got a hug

I passed road test

only one more week until break

I still had dance to let out emotions

its over

and now I'll try and enjoy this blessing of a weekend.

I might actually try going and doing something tonight other than watch chick flicks all alone.

but let's be honest,

the one thing that will be on my mind nearly all weekend will be him,

and I'll sit on my couch, piano, or bed

and just stare at my phone.

I'll wish for that text even a simple "hey"

but thus it will never appear...

so then I will wonder if I should be the one,

or is he just annoyed when my name pops up on his screen,

would he quickly reply,

or delay his response cause he really doesn't want to talk to me,

So i'll argue with myself again and again until I

lose the battle and finally give in.

Finally.

What do I do?

I really need to get over him,

Everyday I desperately look for sign that he still likes me,

when in reality I know he doesn't,

but I have hopelessly fallen in a trap,

and I don't know how to get out,

I follow him around like a little puppy,

I attempt to talk to him and make a fool out of myself,

I try and create this relationship that truly never was,

and definitely never will be,

I really need to just get over it and move on with my life...

but there's that small part of me that wants to hold on,

hold on to that small strand of hope that stills remains,

I will continue to dream, to watch and to hope,

and I guess what ever happens was meant to be,

right?

I'm back to where I was... and I wish I wasn't here...but what can I do? 

Is that what I need to do?

...or is just one reason enough?

Well I guess there's always hope...

People

People... it's a strange word to descibe us all,

we are all so different in so many ways,

some people compliment me way too much,

others like to try and tear me down,

some people will make my day,

others won't even give me the time of day,

some people help me,

while others hurt me,

some people call me their friends,

when others say I'm anything but a friend...

(yes, i do realize that all that ^ was about me...but that's what a blog is for)

why people say what they do I will never know, 

what we all think is known to each individual alone,

but while we can look at our differences through,

 we are all still alike, for we are God's children it's true.

 

[Im]perfect

Its that feeling of inadequacy,

thinking you're not enough,

comparing yourself to others

only to wish you were more like them,

wishing for her clothes, her talents, her beauty, her man, her hair, her smarts, her personality, her life, 

but why become more like her when you can be you...

It took me some Sunday school lessons, along with a temple trip, and reading a friends words to realize that.

here would be some of those words I mentioned:

You have something she doesn't :)
You have your faith.
You have a light, bright as day, shining right within you.
You have the knowledge that you are not alone.
You have imperfections, which are most beautiful anyway.
You have strengths and talents no one has, maybe even you do not know them.
You are YOU.
Don't ever second guess yourself.
He knows what you are to do.
So go find that out.
And always remember, I love you.


It's so true! In the end it doesn't matter if I became perfect in their eyes, but that I can become perfect through Him... that I have divine qualities and purposes that I'm here on this earth to fulfill, and no one can stop me from reaching that potential.