me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my crazy, teenage, irrational emotions; jealous, rude, overly-sensitive, critical, selfish. But that's not really me, I hope.
 *I sincerely apologize to those of you who have ever affiliated with me during my awful outbursts of rage, but everyone has those moments, right?*
But luckily, I have found my outlet, my way to let it go, and it's called dance. 
Now, you must understand that I dance everyday, but there is a large difference between just doing dance movements and dancing with your whole heart and soul. Sometimes it's during these hard days, when my whole world seems to be upside down, that I've learned how to truly dance. There, all by myself, though surrounded by others, I'm able to forget myself and let it go, and at that moment I expose myself to the entire world, my worries disappear and suddenly I'm me.
It's not always about the competitions and judges, or what people say about me when I dance, it's not about the reputation I get as a dancer (especially because at times it's not a very good reputation), but it's about that feeling I have when I dance. That feeling of freedom, of ,complete and utter joy that feeling when you can finally see yourself improve, that moment when your crazy, awful day is suddenly filled with light, that moment when my true self is expressed.
Words can't describe it, but let me try it this way:

Imagine a cardboard box in a dark room,

inside is a light,

but the only way you can ever see that light is if you open the box,

and once the box is opened, that light can reach out and fill the darkness.

the world (and my crazy, teenage, irrational emotions) is the darkness,

I am the box

and dance is that light inside of me,

when I open up, I expose myself to the world,

suddenly that darkness is filled with light

and I am happy...I am me.

if you click on this lovely photo it leads to my photo-blog-project-thing :)

Falling into Change

As the crisp autumn leaves begin to change colors I wonder if I can do the same. Can I let go of that past, move on and become something new? When that cool autumn air blows through the trees will I be willing to let go and follow new dreams? I sure hope so. Change can be good, at least that's what I hear. I've never had to change much, but suddenly, now things disappear....and I'm forced to change what I've always know and venture into what is foreign and that is where I roam. At times I feel lost, and other times I'm enlightened, so I'll continue on this journey and hope I can find me. 

my favorite sound in the entire world? That little crunching sound as you walk over the fallen leaves on the sidewalk :) or even better, intensify it by a hundred and just jump into a huge pile of leaves. 

 cause he's adorable

secret obsession #267: fall leaves

Happy Monday?

Sometimes life can be a whirlwind of emotion; with unexpected things flying at you, and at first you try to hold on, but eventually you let go and get caught up in everything else. everything spins in circles- seemingly endless- and all you can do is try to survive. and for some strange reason the storm always seems to intensify on the fabulous day called Monday.

Happy Monday?...yeah biggest oxymoron ever

but I can't complain too much:

• he remembered who i was
• we talked and ate lunch together
• for the first time in a while i didn't spend every second thinking about the other guy...even if he was sitting across the way with her
• i got all my homework in
• i didn't have a total and complete breakdown in the hall

...so I'd say it was a pretty successful day.

and now I have tomorrow to look forward to. Have a happy Monday! 

At times in our life 

we'll find that we'll fall,

so that when we stand

we'll stand that much more tall

What do I do?

I really need to get over him,

Everyday I desperately look for sign that he still likes me,

when in reality I know he doesn't,

but I have hopelessly fallen in a trap,

and I don't know how to get out,

I follow him around like a little puppy,

I attempt to talk to him and make a fool out of myself,

I try and create this relationship that truly never was,

and definitely never will be,

I really need to just get over it and move on with my life...

but there's that small part of me that wants to hold on,

hold on to that small strand of hope that stills remains,

I will continue to dream, to watch and to hope,

and I guess what ever happens was meant to be,

right?

I'm back to where I was... and I wish I wasn't here...but what can I do? 

Is that what I need to do?

...or is just one reason enough?

Well I guess there's always hope...