I want to give someone these feelings all bundled up inside of me. I want to share these magical moments with him. No, not the him that I've been ranting and raving about for the past couple weeks. Of course it's not him, the one I actually have a chance with. No, cause that's not how it ever happens. It's the him I finally thought I was over. But everything reminds me of us...what used to be us. And that look rekindled a fire I thought I'd extinguished. That look; tainted with meaning and perfection and what I believe is called "love" - real love, maybe, not platonic, "I love you, friend" love. It was everything we should've said (but didn't) and wanted to do (but didn't) and thought would happen (but didn't). It was a placid conversation- but so much meaning lay beneath the surface.
It's been two years of jokes and deep conversations, two years of basement weekends and hopelessly long voice-mails at 2 in the morning. Two years of long bus rides and sharing music, cuddling up, falling in love with different people, joking about how we'd never date each other. Two years of fifth-grade-esque flirting tactics, of never understanding each other and knowing each other so well at the same time. Two years, and I thought it'd all just disappear? I should've known better.
So what do I do now? I just go with it.
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